The good news is, we've made it to Friday. Holla!! The bad news is, I've literally started three blog entries in the last week and I just can't seem to finish a one of them. Ughhhh....I've promised you authenticity, so the reality of my life these days is I'm most certainly not at the top of my game and quite desperate to gain my swaggaback. haha. If I'm being really, REALLY honest, I've been feeling really sick and tired of being a cancer survivor lately. That seems kind of selfish, because I"m here! I should be happy about that! Trust me, I am, but the baggage that comes with that has been pretty heavy lately. I'm annoyed that my cancer journey is so damn far from over. I sort of feel like there is this rope dangling over a dark abyss and everyone is climbing up the rope to safety, yet I am hanging on at the very end for dear life. I'm not back in that dark, dark space that can be completely consuming, but I'm certainly not anywhere that resembles a safe haven...at least not yet. I've been working through my emotions and finding healthy ways to reconnect with the positive rather than focus on the drama, but what can I say, I"m human. If there's anything I've learned in the past three and a half years, though, it is this: I can take a break from the heavy stuff and allow myself the freedom to feel joy, as hard as that may be, if I'm willing to let myself go there. Guess what....it's Friday, I'm really tired, so this is me going there. Bring on the sunshine, celebrations and all over good feels.
Today I'm posing a challenge for us all. It's so easy to get stuck in the muck of our troubles and sorrows and believe you me, I know it's hard to ignore that which is holding you back from a blissful existence. But what if now, today, this weekend, we make the choice to focus only on the good?! We celebrate all of the beauty and good that is around us and vow to do something, one thing at least, that will make you feel so incredibly happy and so incredibly alive. Like, head to toe enamored with life and find delight in something that just makes you feel good, happy, loved, excited, motivated and grateful for your time on this earth. One of my favorite feelings is when I'm driving home from my cancer center. I realize this sounds completely crazy because how can going THERE make one feel GOOD, but it's like once I face the challenges and emotions that one is forced to juggle when dealing with something so complicated, the payoff is the realization that you are still here, despite something pretty scary trying to tear you to pieces. In these moments I find myself on this beautiful emotional high. The 90 mile drive home is full of dreaming and planning and singing at the top of my lungs and just feeling the kind of gratitude and hope that comes from the feeling that somehow you are living on borrowed time. That in itself is a gift and makes you just want to go seize absolutely everything your heart desires. I don't have time to make the 90 minute drive today nor do I need to go in for any appointments, but I do really feel the need for a soul cleansing, feel good, everything is enough moment. Let's get after it.
I made the choice a long time ago to not spend too much time sulking when the lows and challenges are consuming me. I mean, I feel it, I"m human, but I really try to pick myself up and move forward as best as I can. In these moments I know that I need to work even harder to embrace the beauty that is the gift of my life. I go there, doing the work, so that I get to be here amongst the living. It seems like I'm digging really deep today, sitting here trying hard to feel that sense of gratitude and joy and to allow myself the permission to abandon my worries at least for a second and feel what it means to be here. My life is quite far from perfect, but the fact that I was given today to breathe this air, sip this coffee, laugh, cry, rest, celebrate , hug and embrace the crazy that is my life....that is something. My problems certainly aren't disappearing, but I' really needing to put them on the back burner right now. I"m encouraging you, but also reminding me, to go out and feel the warmth of the sun on your face. Listen to your tunes on a long walk or run. Throw your hands out of the sunroof in your car and just laugh at the silliness and ease of letting go. Allow yourself these moments that I swear will make you feel more alive than you have in awhile. The kind of ease, love and joy that leaves a mark on your heart, mind and soul....that of a life well lived is within your reach if you believe it to be so. Read a book, set a new goal, play with your kids, hug your parents, allow yourself to see nothing but the beauty of the moment you are in. Your troubles will be there another day, but today, tomorrow this weekend...it's all you, baby. Happy Mother's Day, happy yes day, happy Friday. We've got this. Go on! LIVE!! This is what you have been fighting so hard for. Keep On Killing It....Always. -M
"Yes, I'm a little bruised, slightly broken. and permanently scarred, but I"m still here, aren't I? I'm still fighting, I'm still waking up every day to go through it all over again. This life may be hard as hell, but it's still a gift and I"m going to live every moment of it."-Anonymous
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